Why My Style Isn't Really My Style


- What's up?
I know I haven't been posting many long posts but here's one for thought!
As Leandra Medine of the Man Repeller once said: "most of the clothes I want to wear only exists in my head." And as for the opposite side of this statement, most of the clothes I'm stuck wearing only exists in the sale section of a store or stores with cheaper merchandise, with the occasional brand names and/or non-sale clothe shopping when I have the money. Growing up, most of my style evolved from the many outfit posts and fashion forward communities of multiple social media outlets and from various fashion bloggers. Not to mention inspirations from movies and celebrities or celebrities portraying characters in movies. As high school emerged, I realized most of the clothing these it-people wore were sponsored to them; talk about a whole variety of clothes to pick from! And here I was at the sale department of Joe Fresh hoping to find a decent button-down for an affordable price. Don't get me wrong! I love a good bargain sale (not to mention thrifting) but I knew in the very back-of-my-head, this was not the full expression of my style. That this was only what I have available to me under my circumstance and I was going to have to make it work.
Growing up, there was always the problem with quantity vs. quality whenever I shopped. Every trend, colour, cutting, collar interested me and I wanted it all! I didn't really care what style it originated from at that point - if it was sensible and chic, I'd rock it. It was really hard for me settling all my money on just one expensive pair of shoes because repeating outfits was never my thing. And as I grew older I collected clothing items that I thought were beautiful and simple which got me going on a different outfit combo every day for 7 days a week. However, I knew what I could afford wouldn't last me long yet buying something expensive could only take me so far. Growing older, my idea of "expensive" also changed hence with a job and some income from my parents. Fifty dollars became the new cheap while I remembered staring at a skirt for $30 and wondering if I could get it cheaper somewhere else. Since money was most of the problem when it came to updating my wardrobe, I was always stuck re-evaluating how much I really need a piece of jewelry or clothing; and whether or not I should really splurge on them now. Or regret it when I find something else that's also worth the splurge. This hassle became endless for me and threw me back to the sale racks and only buying colours that were the best for every day wear. Variety was also hard to maintain since the most cheapest and chic clothing rang only through stores such as Forever 21 or H&M, while others had beautiful clothes but super pricey ranges and vice versa. Not only did having friends in the past who also rocked these same colours, but their influence had injected into me hard and somewhere in my head just turned off the part of me that should be wearing what I want. My household didn't allow online shopping to be a thing growing up but once i tried it for myself living on my own, the shipping fee always turned me off. The more I tried reverting to what I had known to be my "style", the more I realized it wasn't just the problem with money that really confused me, but many other driving forces that had integrated into the idea of what my style actually was or should be. And the more I gave into these forces, the quicker my style grew less pure as it had once been.
As a result, black was my sole colour of comfort because you can always get it cheap and stylish off any clothing brand without having spend over budget on something you'll probably only pull off once. I've always wondered if black, gold, white, grey or any of those classic yet timeless colours resembled my true style. Or was it just the easiest and most fashionable way to pull off style in general without breaking the bank because it relates to most of what girls my age or older/younger were sporting? Would these colours that make dressing so easy and sophisticated be labelled as my "style" forever because basics were the easiest to whip on and go? Or will I ever finally have the freedom to spend a little bit of extra dough on a beautiful yellow dress without only having to guiltily wear it once?
Over my years of idolizing style and fashion so much, I've spun my perspective several times on many different icons who had style I just couldn't get enough of. And served as the majority of my style goals and inspirations growing up to present:

A typical fearless look from Chloe Sevigny, my #1 style inspiration since forever

Can't ever think of style without thinking of Man Repeller; what an outfit!

Another all time favourite of mine goes to Hanneli Mustaparta with her originality and fashion wisdom.

And how can you not give it up to the queens of cool The Olsen Twins?
There are many more other inspiring people I've come to notice in terms of my style evolving. But I always come back to these charming ladies and a few others to really bring out the "wow" factor of style and to teach me to never take fashion too seriously. Back to the point! This feeling was and always will be apparent to me until the day I receive a steady income from my future career or get sponsored from stores themselves (which might take a while or not happen at all). Bit by bit, I just really want to shed away from my comfort zone more and more in a way that only I can appreciate in terms of my style. I want to be known as "stylish" because I wear clothes I could put my whole soul to and not half-heartedly because time and money allowed me to. My style is forever evolving and constantly carving its ideal image the more I see and interact with people and the world each day. I guess it really doesn't matter if you understand what I'm trying to say or not, but I just want to one day be solely ecstatic with the wardrobe I have. Not because it's trendy or branded, but because it fully reflects me. No limitations and no cheap access or shortcuts.

Photography by Priya Bhatti.

I got my hair did at the lovely Kabro Salon just a bus ride away on campus. If you're living in the Vancouver area near Kitsilano, I highly recommend this place for a good cut, coloring or highlights. My barber used to cut for L'Oreal and had a wicked personality. Not to mention a real eye for good hairstylin'.

A pic of my snip; for da fans.

yours on the sweeter side,

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